If you’re in Israel or not, this war has taken a toll on all of us. As Jewish and Israeli Americans it’s been an emotional and physical battle for all of us and very challenging to keep track of what we’re feeling and processing through the last few weeks.
I remember the morning of October 7 very vividly. Waking up at 6:40 am to the sound of sirens, it took me a second to realize what was going on because I live in a place that is usually quiet when there are tensions with Gaza. Something that morning felt different.
We went back up to my room and moments passed and the videos that everyone has seen of Hamas terrorists in Sderot and other cities started to circulate in the media.
This was when I turned on the news and came to the realization that this is the start of a war.
I participate in the program Garin Tzabar which is through the tzofim and live in the absorption center for Olim and lone soldiers.
I have been living alongside a group of 38 individuals that have spent a year in Israel participating in Mechina or Shnat Sherut, and decided to enlist in the IDF after as lone soldiers.
We have two counselors in our garin that lead us through the process of enlisting and preparing us for the time that we will be serving. One of them, by the name of Gili Adar, was in the festival where hundreds were slaughtered and murdered.
The last time we heard from her was Saturday morning October 7, at 6:40 am, when she texted us making sure that we were okay.
This was on Saturday, and on Tuesday we were given the heartbreaking news that she was one of the victims murdered in cold blood. After this, we all sat down and decided to rename our garin, Garin Adar.
The last few weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions, ups and extremely low downs.
Here in Israel, the pain feels so close to everyone. We all know somebody who has been kidnapped, murdered, or even worse.
I have personally been feeling a lot of of hopelessness, heartbreak, loss, and pain.
Despite these incredibly valid emotions, I feel one hundred percent with my decision of staying here in Israel.
The heartbreak and loss also comes with the feeling of pride, the true connection to my people. Feeling that I want to contribute, to invest in my homeland. Staying true to myself and my identity with the obligation to defend my country and the people living in it.
None of us have ever lived through a war, one that would scar us so badly as a nation, but ultimately bind us together again.